Until the day I say "I do" and every day thereafter.

It's not every day that I sit down and write about the deepest things on my heart. I like to use this blog as a way to channel the somewhat weekly events in my life. College can be a place of quick paced craziness and lack of time and sleep (well, theoretically). I say theoretically, because I somehow always find time to sleep, whether it be a napping marathon (yes, I've had them) or just the regular old 8 hour sleep regimen. Anyway, time can often slip through my fingers, and I want to be able to recall a lot of it later you know in like 3 or 4 years when I've either graduated college or am preparing to. I want to remember the differences and the progress I've made as I've grown from 18 to 22... you get it!

Anyway, I preface this post to bring you my deepest heartfelt revelations and desires regarding marriage and the process leading up to it! I was driving home this morning from Leadership Training Class (LTC) and I was thinking about a story that had been told.

Our beautiful Campus Pastors (Johnny and Amy) dated in college but broke up for a 2 year time span, and their friend Kyle was re counting a story whenever the two had dated and were broken up. Johnny and Kyle were at a prayer meeting and apparently Johnny was having an episode where he was laying face down on the ground praying his heart out and he started pounding the ground, yelling "IT'S NOT OVER". Amy had said it was over, but that wasn't the case if Johnny had any say so in the matter. Anyway, I was pondering this as I drove home and I was thinking about the past few days' events that had happened in my life.

Those of you who know my life intimately know the struggles I have had regarding men, particular men that shall remain unnamed. The problem for me has been that I have been the one pining over them, and I realize this should not be the case. Granted, I want to be enamored and taken by the man who ultimately pursues me to be his wife, I want him to be the one fighting for me. I want to be the princess wearing a veil, with the main fighting for my heart, screaming out to God, "IT'S NOT OVER!" This brief anecdote told by Kyle really made me think about who should be pursuing who.

I want my husband to have fought for me and fought for me well. Granted, during this season of life it is important that I remain content in my singleness. Many have regarded that statement incorrectly though. I may date during this season of singleness. I am still single when I am dating though. Ultimately, I am still soley sold out to my Lord and savior. Until I am married, I will consider myself single. Now that we have that cleared up! :)

As I was in the middle of this post though I heard the lyrics of a Kim Walker song pop out and touch my heart, "We are longing the glory of the Lord, because we know there's so much more!" -She's so right. There is so much more! So enough with this marriage talk.

All I'm saying is I am the Lord's and until a man starts valiantly fighting for my affections I will continue to long for the glory of the Lord because there is so much more and even then... I'll still be longing!

-Jenna Lane