My First Love

I've been thinking a lot lately about a lot of different things. For most bloggers out there, this would spur them to write a blog. Well, for me this has put me in a blog gridlock, as I haven't felt like putting these thoughts to the keyboard yet. Well, I find myself here today with a lot still on my mind, but I'm finally ready to divulge a little portion of these thoughts.

Without revealing too much information from my personal inner sanctum, I would like to share with you a few of the things that have been driving speeding cars around the racetrack of my mind.

1) I have been slightly bugged by people who shrug off compliments with a response of, "Stop... really. I'm not that great." Yes, I realize that everything good within us comes from Him, because as it is we are depraved by nature and God redeems us and sanctifies us. Yes, I realize that. My beef is such: accept a compliment. There's no need to make a spectacle of a compliment. Be thankful that HE has made newness within you and of course you can give HIM credit but don't be SO HARSH on yourself. Those are my two cents.

2) As always I have been thinking about love. Earthly romantic love that is. You know like when a man and a woman get together and decide they're helplessly in love with one another and they wish to consummate this love with that thing called a wedding, which sends them into that thing called marriage.

Over the Easter weekend (which was sweet and fun), we spent time with my brother Joel and his wonderful fiance Ashley. They live in Austin, and we jump at the chance to go visit them any time we can, because a) we love them, and b) we love ATX! Well, they are in the midst of a transitional season as they adjust to the fact that they will be getting married in a quick 6 months. They're season of life is jam packed and moving ever so swiftly. I caught myself thinking about engagement, relationships and being married a lot over that weekend. Am I ready? Not for marriage necessarily but just for another relationship that could ultimately lead to marriage. Ummm...

To put more icing on that cake, as I was talking to Ashley at one point she was telling me about her Nearly Newlyweds class and she told me about this one couple. They are both 18. I was like, "Ummm dang... I'm 18." And she described how mature they are and how sophisticated their ideas seem to be about marriage. Well, I know I have pretty high standards regarding marriage and I like to think of myself as a "marriage connoisseur"... Haha before you get any crazy ideas let me explain myself. I read a lot of blogs by godly married women and I am close friends with a lot of women who are already married, engaged, or in serious relationships. I obviously realize that the most valuable learning experiences tend to come by way of immersion. However, I have pretty lofty ideas about marriage and it just made me really question how soon I would be ready to get married.

Also, let me add that I only want to be in a relationship that leads to marriage when the Lord says, "Go..." But I figure that every once in awhile it won't hurt me to delve into this realm of thinking. I also realize that if I were to constantly find myself there, I wouldn't really get anywhere with my studies, my relationship with My First Love (Jesucristo!), and my friendships with the girls and guys around me. I just wanted to share with you what's been on my heart.

Through all of this marriage talk though I am reminded that My First Love desires for me to be His alone for a period of time. Yesterday I caught myself with this exact thought, "I haven't been wooed in awhile..." I then thought to myself, "Well, have I really been allowing My First Love to woo me?" The simple answer to that question is "No, I have not." Shame on me, shame on me. He wants me, all of me. And I need to be willing to give Him that and not decide for myself when it is time. I never do a good job of deciding when. But He always AMAZES me. I have been single now for 8 months - that thought kind of surprised me as I was in my last relationship for 9 months. That last relationship was my first experience with "falling in love." That of course is a marker in my life and serves as a big milestone, so the thought that I have almost reached a time period that equals the first big milestone in my life is a scary yet exciting thought. It made me kind of sad but simultaneously happy. I'm growing up. Ahh! I'm glad that I'm not that girl who always needs to be in a relationship. I'm also glad I'm not that same girl who started that 9 month relationship 1 year, 5 months ago. I'm good with going another 8 months and I'm also good with another relationship. His will, not my own.

Anyway, I think those two things will suffice for a blog post for now. I just needed to vent/share a little bit.

All His blessings for your life!

Jenna