Breakaway 2009

Lord, what is it that you want me to say tonight at XA? I really am tired of using my own words and thoughts to express your goodness. Please, give me a verse or a passage that properly illuminates what it is you did in my life over the weekend. There were so many things that went down in my heart over the weekend, some of them too personal to share, and some of them too broad to really make an impact on people's hearts. I don't want to say something in vain, and given the circumstances of my thought life and heart life, I really don't want to try to "impress" anyone with my "holiness", because you are definitely the One who is worthy of all that glorious splendor. I have not come to impress man but to impress the One who knows me most intimately.

-You are teaching me OBEDIENCE -- holding myself in readiness to go or do.

-You are teaching me that this season of my life is a time of waiting and preparation (this has a little too much to do with marriage though, so I wouldn't want to give anyone in the audience the wrong idea). "To those with ears to hear and eyes to see, there will be very great release from unbearable burdens in the language of autumn trees, for example, when they dress most gloriously in preparation for death."

-You gave me joy as I watched my sisters grow and grasp the Cross.

-You gave me emotional deliverance in the same room that I weeped in two years prior; there is a huge masterpiece. And my tiny, finite mind has a tremendously difficult time trying to figure it out, and that's why I trust One greater than myself who can see the WHOLE picture.

-I am being married to my LOVER first, and falling in love with Him full-heartedly before I can begin to engage in an earthly romance.

-There is a calling on my life for ministry and mission work, and it scares me, but it also excites me more than anything else in this world. I don't know what steps to take at this point in time, and this is when I simply trust and obey the Lord as He prunes my heart.

Words of the sort I'd like to share:

Whenever I was asked to share my testimony from the weekend, I was somewhat apprehensive, because I was filing through my mind searching for all the things the Lord had shown me and taught me. I realized that there was way too much, and I couldn't figure out how I could downsize the marvelous splendor of the glory He has manifested in my walk. But as I read and prayed, I discovered that one of the most heavy lessons that has been weighing on my heart lately is obedience, holding myself in readiness to go or do. The "O" word, I know! I've disliked that word for a very long time. But since I've been here in San Antonio, the Lord has really taught me how to obey Him and how to fall madly in love with Him. And, I've claimed to have loved the Lord for nearly 13 years, but up until 2 months ago I wasn't really loving Him, because I wasn't obeying Him. So, this weekend was a testament to the fact that when you are obeying and loving the Lord in the small things, He is gracious and faithful to prove himself in the large things. I could go on and on for a very long time, but I will leave you with this verse in 1 John 5, "This is love for God: to obey His commands. And His commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith."